Love…?

It’s probably time for me to blog about something again, cause there’s so much going on in my mind that I can’t express with just a single tweet, or going about ranting to anybody during this exam period when everyone is just busy with mugging. So much going on, yet so little courage in me to say what I wanna say. Honestly, I don’t even know if it’s okay to share what I feel here in this blog. Why? Cause I don’t feel safe pouring my feelings here, yet the irony is that I need to purge all my emotions somewhere to feel better. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to people about it mainly because nobody knows the solutions to every problem, even myself. There isn’t any solution, you just move on with life. Just like that, simple. 

So I’m gonna start my purge, get the ball rolling:

I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a say in what have already been decided long ago. I just accept it, cause I know it’s now my responsibility to do a good job and make myself a stronger person. I know it’s a process, it pushes me to step out of my comfort zone. But what many don’t realize is that… it’s a difficult route to carry this sickening responsibility. I’m stuck in this position cause there’s no turning back, I’m stuck here because I took the responsibility to do what’s required, and more. I can just run away from all this, but I don’t want to because it’s against my character, I make a start and finish, I don’t want to do things halfway. It gets tough when people don’t put themselves in your shoes and feel the weight of the responsibility killing you slowly inside. They don’t feel that you’re trying your best, and you’re sacrificing things/time that’s important to you. I don’t ask for much, just people’s understanding and responsibility. Don’t expect much from me, cause I don’t want to hear expectations that I’m not keen to meet. Call me timid, but I didn’t have a say when all of this shit started. I’ll just say that I’m feeling especially disappointed with some stuffs from all the stress and pressure built up over the last few months.

Then again, there are things to be happy about. I’m spending more and more time with my family recently, and I can’t be any happier. To be honest, school have really put a strain on my relationship with my family. Everyone’s busy and we didn’t had time for one another at all. Sometimes it’s the littlest things in life that gives you bliss and happiness. I’m just cherishing all the time we’re spending together as a family. On the other hand, my bff recently got into a relationship and I’m really really happy for her :,) Perhaps I’m the only one who is still a stranger to love. Love, not the family/ friends kind of love. Sometimes I wonder if I can really love someone with all my heart.

Many of you probably won’t understand what I meant, but yeah I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and I still don’t know the answer. Love is… a beautiful thing, yet a rare thing in my opinion. Many people abuses the word “love” these days and I am really skeptical about people who just say “I love you” easily to every person they meet. They say it so simply, but love is… it is a difficult thing. Or maybe it’s just me. Well, I don’t have the right to define love too. So, let’s just leave it hanging.

What’s that word again? Crude. Yes, crude. So recently, I’ve been really upset about some stuffs (well no, I’m not usually this emotional, but hey, I couldn’t confide to anybody alright). You know, some people when they speak, swords fly out from their mouth, and stabs right in your heart. Like you literally see the arrows and swords flying right into your heart. Kinda exaggerating, but you could use some imagination.

Anyway, I just don’t want to rant about it, but it hurts like a bitch especially when it’s someone close to you giving crude responses to everything you wanna share with them. Like hello, I’m sharing my moments with you cause I want to update you about life, about the changes, and the happenings around me, yet you’re adding fuel to start a fire each time. Some people say these people are just jealous of who you are, but honestly I don’t give a shit. If you’re my friend, you don’t notice these things, especially jealousy and all the negative picky shit. Friends share their happy, sad and angry moments, not take turns to sour one another. 

So with that, I shall end my post with a tint of sourness.. hope you enjoyed reading my kind of purging.

Guide: 6 Steps to be Happy

Let us start this post with something positive to talk about: HAPPINESS ^^

Let’s cut the chase and go straight to what I have got to share with you guys. Due to the rising unhappiness rate that I have gathered from social media platforms based on my observations (LOL), I’ve figured out a few ways (about 6) to make yourself feel happier, so here we go:

1. Think Positive.
As cliche as it sounds, nothing will beat your happiness if it’s hanging along the line of positivism. You wouldn’t want to have the negative aura following behind you, lurking around you as people distance themselves from you. If you’re desperate to be happy then try to think of what you’re grateful for in your life, rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Many of us are considered lucky and fortunate to be able to learn, eat, and stay in good health. Regardless of what happen in your life, just go with it and view it as a lesson given to you by God. It’ll be difficult to stay positive but it will become a habit sooner of later.

2. Talk it Out.
Sometimes we get unhappy mainly because we bottle up everything inside us, and we refuse to let our emotions control us so we hid it beneath our smile. Problems in life is what ties us down, making us unhappy and stressed. At this time, you just have to take a deep breath, give yourself a break, or even just talk to someone, anyone will do. You can choose not to talk about your problems, just having conversations with people will make you more open to achieving happiness, I mean unless you love to be #foreveralone. Find someone trust-able whom you are comfortable talking to, and tell them your about your day, your thoughts, or even things that bother you. Just don’t bottle everything up. If you really need to, talk to your soft toy, they are probably the most fluffy and adorable loyal friends you can ever find (teehee).

3. Get a Lover.
No joke, it helps. When I mean get a lover, I don’t mean just randomly picking some guy/girl to be your partner. I really mean, finding someone you sincerely like. Go on dates, catch a movie, cherish the time spent together. You’ll enjoy the time spent with your loved ones! For those out there without a lover, fret not, friends and family are as perfect as a lover.

4. Change.
You may want to spice up yourself with different styles of clothing. Time to look like you’re ready to hit the smile button on everybody’s faces! Make their day by adding little gestures e.g. baking cookies for your loved ones, expressing your love for them, or even signing up for volunteering work. While you’re busy helping and making other people’s day, you will eventually feel happy too. Be different everyday, try something new, be it your inner or outer self. Just think of every possible feature you could add to your normal bland day.

5. Give Money a Break.

Stop worrying about your income, or how much A or B still owes you. Get away from your calculative self, and give money a break once in awhile. Being too meticulous in managing your money can just tie you up and make you very sensitive to people. Let your money flow if you have to, and trust that when money flows out, it’ll flow back in. But that doesn’t mean you should gamble it away! Be reasonable in your spending, but try not to pick on everything regarding money issues.

6. Love yourself.
Very often, I realise that many of us do not love ourselves, hence we are unable to love others first. Well this is something that I’m still learning too. To love yourself. For who you are, how you look like. You have have complaints about your face, your weight, but never hate yourself for that. Embrace it, love yourself, and improvise on the way. If you feel that you need to slim down, then take the effort to eat less and exercise, but love yourself along the way. Stay confident, because that’s what people will be attracted to upon first impression.

Follow these steps closely and you’ll find yourself happier one day~ Cheers!