Love…?

It’s probably time for me to blog about something again, cause there’s so much going on in my mind that I can’t express with just a single tweet, or going about ranting to anybody during this exam period when everyone is just busy with mugging. So much going on, yet so little courage in me to say what I wanna say. Honestly, I don’t even know if it’s okay to share what I feel here in this blog. Why? Cause I don’t feel safe pouring my feelings here, yet the irony is that I need to purge all my emotions somewhere to feel better. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to people about it mainly because nobody knows the solutions to every problem, even myself. There isn’t any solution, you just move on with life. Just like that, simple. 

So I’m gonna start my purge, get the ball rolling:

I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a say in what have already been decided long ago. I just accept it, cause I know it’s now my responsibility to do a good job and make myself a stronger person. I know it’s a process, it pushes me to step out of my comfort zone. But what many don’t realize is that… it’s a difficult route to carry this sickening responsibility. I’m stuck in this position cause there’s no turning back, I’m stuck here because I took the responsibility to do what’s required, and more. I can just run away from all this, but I don’t want to because it’s against my character, I make a start and finish, I don’t want to do things halfway. It gets tough when people don’t put themselves in your shoes and feel the weight of the responsibility killing you slowly inside. They don’t feel that you’re trying your best, and you’re sacrificing things/time that’s important to you. I don’t ask for much, just people’s understanding and responsibility. Don’t expect much from me, cause I don’t want to hear expectations that I’m not keen to meet. Call me timid, but I didn’t have a say when all of this shit started. I’ll just say that I’m feeling especially disappointed with some stuffs from all the stress and pressure built up over the last few months.

Then again, there are things to be happy about. I’m spending more and more time with my family recently, and I can’t be any happier. To be honest, school have really put a strain on my relationship with my family. Everyone’s busy and we didn’t had time for one another at all. Sometimes it’s the littlest things in life that gives you bliss and happiness. I’m just cherishing all the time we’re spending together as a family. On the other hand, my bff recently got into a relationship and I’m really really happy for her :,) Perhaps I’m the only one who is still a stranger to love. Love, not the family/ friends kind of love. Sometimes I wonder if I can really love someone with all my heart.

Many of you probably won’t understand what I meant, but yeah I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and I still don’t know the answer. Love is… a beautiful thing, yet a rare thing in my opinion. Many people abuses the word “love” these days and I am really skeptical about people who just say “I love you” easily to every person they meet. They say it so simply, but love is… it is a difficult thing. Or maybe it’s just me. Well, I don’t have the right to define love too. So, let’s just leave it hanging.

What’s that word again? Crude. Yes, crude. So recently, I’ve been really upset about some stuffs (well no, I’m not usually this emotional, but hey, I couldn’t confide to anybody alright). You know, some people when they speak, swords fly out from their mouth, and stabs right in your heart. Like you literally see the arrows and swords flying right into your heart. Kinda exaggerating, but you could use some imagination.

Anyway, I just don’t want to rant about it, but it hurts like a bitch especially when it’s someone close to you giving crude responses to everything you wanna share with them. Like hello, I’m sharing my moments with you cause I want to update you about life, about the changes, and the happenings around me, yet you’re adding fuel to start a fire each time. Some people say these people are just jealous of who you are, but honestly I don’t give a shit. If you’re my friend, you don’t notice these things, especially jealousy and all the negative picky shit. Friends share their happy, sad and angry moments, not take turns to sour one another. 

So with that, I shall end my post with a tint of sourness.. hope you enjoyed reading my kind of purging.

Toilet Cleaners

It’s Mothers’ Day today. Happy Mothers’ Day to all the Mums in the world! ♡

As much as I would like to talk about how we should cherish our parents blah blah blah… I feel the need to bring your attention to the poor toilet cleaners out there whom we all take for granted.  The people who has been helping us clean the toilets in malls, schools, offices.

Yesterday I chanced upon an old aunty cleaning a toilet cubicle because the previous user apparently dirtied the toilet inconsiderately. The whole tissue roll on the floor, pieces of tissue over the floor, and the toilet seat stained. Let’s take a moment to realise how we make the old people serve us and yet we are so inconsiderate as to not cleaning up your mess after you use the public toilet. I understand that their job is to maintain the toilet’s cleanliness but they are not young anymore.

We have to know that they are someone’s parent too. They have a family to return home to. A family who will not hesitate to give them the best if they could, just like how you wouldn’t tolerate your parents clearing up the shit inconsiderate people left for them. You wouldn’t want your mum or dad to be treated in any way like this isn’t it? Let’s all be considerate for everybody!

So treat everyone the way you want people to treat you or your parents. Not just showing appreciation for your Mom on Mothers’ Day, but I want to get a word out on this special occasion that everybody deserved to be treated the right way every single day 🙂

With that, have a great day all~~

Im.polite

Hey readers,

I’m already in school for two weeks and I can say that even though I haven’t done much of assignments yet, I already dread school SO much. Having a change in class really just doesn’t feel real still. I agree that I adopt to changes really slowly. To make it worse, I’m carrying the tittle of a group leader for Verve 2014- an arts festival fully run by ABM students. The thought of being a leader just scares me. I mean I don’t even have the ability to keep my poly life together and organised and yet I’m supposed to lead a group of people? Oh God. Moreover, I’m still trying to get to know my group mates, and I really don’t have the confidence of leading my group T_T Everything is just gushing towards me and it overwhelms me, but I’ll just have to learn and count every step I take.

So recently I have been thinking about the people around me, because honestly, I’m feeling really offended and hurt when people says things that put me down, or words that mold me into who they think I am, but it’s not even close to WHO I am inside. They think they know me, they think they understand me, but honestly you don’t. Not anywhere close.

Somehow these people are usually the ones that I feel closer with. Let’s think about it, what’s the damn point in putting me down and hurting me with words when you can just make this world a better place? Why not think of compliments instead of insults? If you want to chat, then chat nicely. Because obviously no one would want to talk to someone who throws insult at them every second. You know that kind of people that just don’t give a thought about how their words must come off as impolite and rude? Yes that kind of people.

 

It really pisses me off. And I have been quite tolerant over it already but it is still impolite. People often take me for granted. Perhaps I’m more tolerant than many people out there, but that does not mean that I can sit still and get hit by all the words people throw at me.

Sorry if I appear to be ranting, but I just had to get it off my chest. I’ve been feeling like shit recently and my confidence level is really going down the drain. I tell myself to not be affected but you know what? It is still rude and hurtful. Why need friends who step on your confidence right? Ugh.

On a brighter note, I’m gonna have a steamboat gathering with my 5N girls tomorrow! Rather excited since I haven’t seen some of them for quite some time now. Will definitely have an awesome TGIF!

Curate Your Life

Photo courtesy of connectedcomedy

Everyone is a curator of their own. But if you had the chance to curate your life again from the beginning, would you have curated it differently? Very often we neglect our ability to curate our own life and we just let life pave it’s own way, living each day as it is. After awhile you’ll get bored of your everyday life, then you seek for a change. However, will you take the lead and present yourself to people the way you want? If you were to ask me how I would curate my own life, I would of course curate it the way I want to live, but it isn’t that easy since it takes a lot to reach where you want to be in the future.

Being in the course of arts business management, I get exposed to the world of curating. Sure, we have all the know-how curators but when it comes to our own daily life, who would curate it so perfectly like an exhibition? Would you let your feelings show like the way artworks expresses emotions/meanings? Would you…be so organized in your life like an exhibition? Or would you know which of your characteristics you’ll want to show the world, just like how you know which artworks to pick for your exhibition? It’s so difficult to apply curating skills in your own life as compared to curating an exhibition. Isn’t it?

To be honest, it’s tiring to perfectly curate your life. Unless you have the discipline and devotion to mold yourself the perfect curator, it’s still about being yourself. So never lose yourself in life, and find what makes you happy.

 

Cheers.