Living it right

sup niggas

I’ve probably had a way-too-long hiatus but now I’m back (yassss)

A LOT HAS HAPPENED, GOOD & BAD, but mostly good 🙂 Actually I’m kinda contented with life right now (minus all the stress and deadlines of assignments, basically fuck school). But anyway, Verve– An Arts Festival at The Arts House is finally over yay! After 8 months of planning as part of the organizing team, I am officially proud to say that we have done well this batch! The festival passed by so fast that I really didn’t have much time to register. But I’m really proud of everyone, and very very thankful to those who came down to support me ❤ It was a really rewarding journey and I’ve definitely learnt a lot from everyone, thanks for creating this precious memory :>

Attended two art fairs last month, the Affordable Art Fair as well as Singapore Art Fair. Enough of art fairs for now, I’m having a big time fatigue! I was rather disappointed with AAF though, given that I’ve noticed a repeated artworks being displayed, but the emphasis on affordability of artworks is still there, so I hope it continues that way because one day I’M GONNA BUY AN ARTWORK (when I start earning stable income tee hee). Other than that, SAF was quite enjoyable in general 😉 So.. I’m basically leading life the way it is now, it is simple yet fulfilling. OH, and I started my classes at LaSalle (whoop whoop!! <3). Basically doing drawing, silkscreen, and clay making. Really enjoyable as it felt like I’m taking my O levels art all over again yup.

Besides procrastinating like a bitch, I’m just really looking forward to the end of next week because it also means that I’m going Taiwan! Then yeah Bangkok in January. I guess I really deserve that travelling break! But for now, I need to work my ass on that Exhibition Management Essay shit.

Bye for now.

Love…?

It’s probably time for me to blog about something again, cause there’s so much going on in my mind that I can’t express with just a single tweet, or going about ranting to anybody during this exam period when everyone is just busy with mugging. So much going on, yet so little courage in me to say what I wanna say. Honestly, I don’t even know if it’s okay to share what I feel here in this blog. Why? Cause I don’t feel safe pouring my feelings here, yet the irony is that I need to purge all my emotions somewhere to feel better. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to people about it mainly because nobody knows the solutions to every problem, even myself. There isn’t any solution, you just move on with life. Just like that, simple. 

So I’m gonna start my purge, get the ball rolling:

I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a say in what have already been decided long ago. I just accept it, cause I know it’s now my responsibility to do a good job and make myself a stronger person. I know it’s a process, it pushes me to step out of my comfort zone. But what many don’t realize is that… it’s a difficult route to carry this sickening responsibility. I’m stuck in this position cause there’s no turning back, I’m stuck here because I took the responsibility to do what’s required, and more. I can just run away from all this, but I don’t want to because it’s against my character, I make a start and finish, I don’t want to do things halfway. It gets tough when people don’t put themselves in your shoes and feel the weight of the responsibility killing you slowly inside. They don’t feel that you’re trying your best, and you’re sacrificing things/time that’s important to you. I don’t ask for much, just people’s understanding and responsibility. Don’t expect much from me, cause I don’t want to hear expectations that I’m not keen to meet. Call me timid, but I didn’t have a say when all of this shit started. I’ll just say that I’m feeling especially disappointed with some stuffs from all the stress and pressure built up over the last few months.

Then again, there are things to be happy about. I’m spending more and more time with my family recently, and I can’t be any happier. To be honest, school have really put a strain on my relationship with my family. Everyone’s busy and we didn’t had time for one another at all. Sometimes it’s the littlest things in life that gives you bliss and happiness. I’m just cherishing all the time we’re spending together as a family. On the other hand, my bff recently got into a relationship and I’m really really happy for her :,) Perhaps I’m the only one who is still a stranger to love. Love, not the family/ friends kind of love. Sometimes I wonder if I can really love someone with all my heart.

Many of you probably won’t understand what I meant, but yeah I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and I still don’t know the answer. Love is… a beautiful thing, yet a rare thing in my opinion. Many people abuses the word “love” these days and I am really skeptical about people who just say “I love you” easily to every person they meet. They say it so simply, but love is… it is a difficult thing. Or maybe it’s just me. Well, I don’t have the right to define love too. So, let’s just leave it hanging.

What’s that word again? Crude. Yes, crude. So recently, I’ve been really upset about some stuffs (well no, I’m not usually this emotional, but hey, I couldn’t confide to anybody alright). You know, some people when they speak, swords fly out from their mouth, and stabs right in your heart. Like you literally see the arrows and swords flying right into your heart. Kinda exaggerating, but you could use some imagination.

Anyway, I just don’t want to rant about it, but it hurts like a bitch especially when it’s someone close to you giving crude responses to everything you wanna share with them. Like hello, I’m sharing my moments with you cause I want to update you about life, about the changes, and the happenings around me, yet you’re adding fuel to start a fire each time. Some people say these people are just jealous of who you are, but honestly I don’t give a shit. If you’re my friend, you don’t notice these things, especially jealousy and all the negative picky shit. Friends share their happy, sad and angry moments, not take turns to sour one another. 

So with that, I shall end my post with a tint of sourness.. hope you enjoyed reading my kind of purging.

Expectations

So recently I tweeted a tweet

Sometimes I feel that people expect too much outta me… Or maybe it’s just me too tired to meet their expectations

Okay, so ever since school started, I’ve been in a situation where I feel the pressure of people’s expectations for me. And I know that many of you out there have also felt the same way before I guess? It’s really tiring me out mentally. You know, people set expectations of you the moment they meet you. They say first impression counts. You let people set a frame for you, you allow people to expect a certain consistency of the way you behave, and once that is established, you constantly are required to meet expectations of others. Of course, you can choose to not care about what people expect of you, but sometimes you just don’t want to disappoint the other party right? Then again, I am honestly lacking the motivation and determination to do well, to do what people expect me to, and I wish I could run away from everything even for just a day, or just a few hours, minutes, seconds. The sad thing is you know you’ll have to eventually get back to reality and work things out, face the people.

So the problem is, how do we solve this? To be honest, I have no idea. This cycle repeats itself every now and then, and you just get suffocated in this cycle. Learning how to cope could help, but for how long? Maybe people shouldn’t set such high expectations of you, no wait. Maybe you shouldn’t behave the same anymore, be a bad guy, appear rebellious, let people ignore you, and have them focus on other people. Yeah, maybe that might work. But really, that’s just not me, and I don’t want to become someone else just to escape reality. So the bottom line is, we’re back to square one. Congrats.

Im.polite

Hey readers,

I’m already in school for two weeks and I can say that even though I haven’t done much of assignments yet, I already dread school SO much. Having a change in class really just doesn’t feel real still. I agree that I adopt to changes really slowly. To make it worse, I’m carrying the tittle of a group leader for Verve 2014- an arts festival fully run by ABM students. The thought of being a leader just scares me. I mean I don’t even have the ability to keep my poly life together and organised and yet I’m supposed to lead a group of people? Oh God. Moreover, I’m still trying to get to know my group mates, and I really don’t have the confidence of leading my group T_T Everything is just gushing towards me and it overwhelms me, but I’ll just have to learn and count every step I take.

So recently I have been thinking about the people around me, because honestly, I’m feeling really offended and hurt when people says things that put me down, or words that mold me into who they think I am, but it’s not even close to WHO I am inside. They think they know me, they think they understand me, but honestly you don’t. Not anywhere close.

Somehow these people are usually the ones that I feel closer with. Let’s think about it, what’s the damn point in putting me down and hurting me with words when you can just make this world a better place? Why not think of compliments instead of insults? If you want to chat, then chat nicely. Because obviously no one would want to talk to someone who throws insult at them every second. You know that kind of people that just don’t give a thought about how their words must come off as impolite and rude? Yes that kind of people.

 

It really pisses me off. And I have been quite tolerant over it already but it is still impolite. People often take me for granted. Perhaps I’m more tolerant than many people out there, but that does not mean that I can sit still and get hit by all the words people throw at me.

Sorry if I appear to be ranting, but I just had to get it off my chest. I’ve been feeling like shit recently and my confidence level is really going down the drain. I tell myself to not be affected but you know what? It is still rude and hurtful. Why need friends who step on your confidence right? Ugh.

On a brighter note, I’m gonna have a steamboat gathering with my 5N girls tomorrow! Rather excited since I haven’t seen some of them for quite some time now. Will definitely have an awesome TGIF!

Curate Your Life

Photo courtesy of connectedcomedy

Everyone is a curator of their own. But if you had the chance to curate your life again from the beginning, would you have curated it differently? Very often we neglect our ability to curate our own life and we just let life pave it’s own way, living each day as it is. After awhile you’ll get bored of your everyday life, then you seek for a change. However, will you take the lead and present yourself to people the way you want? If you were to ask me how I would curate my own life, I would of course curate it the way I want to live, but it isn’t that easy since it takes a lot to reach where you want to be in the future.

Being in the course of arts business management, I get exposed to the world of curating. Sure, we have all the know-how curators but when it comes to our own daily life, who would curate it so perfectly like an exhibition? Would you let your feelings show like the way artworks expresses emotions/meanings? Would you…be so organized in your life like an exhibition? Or would you know which of your characteristics you’ll want to show the world, just like how you know which artworks to pick for your exhibition? It’s so difficult to apply curating skills in your own life as compared to curating an exhibition. Isn’t it?

To be honest, it’s tiring to perfectly curate your life. Unless you have the discipline and devotion to mold yourself the perfect curator, it’s still about being yourself. So never lose yourself in life, and find what makes you happy.

 

Cheers.

Guide: 6 Steps to be Happy

Let us start this post with something positive to talk about: HAPPINESS ^^

Let’s cut the chase and go straight to what I have got to share with you guys. Due to the rising unhappiness rate that I have gathered from social media platforms based on my observations (LOL), I’ve figured out a few ways (about 6) to make yourself feel happier, so here we go:

1. Think Positive.
As cliche as it sounds, nothing will beat your happiness if it’s hanging along the line of positivism. You wouldn’t want to have the negative aura following behind you, lurking around you as people distance themselves from you. If you’re desperate to be happy then try to think of what you’re grateful for in your life, rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Many of us are considered lucky and fortunate to be able to learn, eat, and stay in good health. Regardless of what happen in your life, just go with it and view it as a lesson given to you by God. It’ll be difficult to stay positive but it will become a habit sooner of later.

2. Talk it Out.
Sometimes we get unhappy mainly because we bottle up everything inside us, and we refuse to let our emotions control us so we hid it beneath our smile. Problems in life is what ties us down, making us unhappy and stressed. At this time, you just have to take a deep breath, give yourself a break, or even just talk to someone, anyone will do. You can choose not to talk about your problems, just having conversations with people will make you more open to achieving happiness, I mean unless you love to be #foreveralone. Find someone trust-able whom you are comfortable talking to, and tell them your about your day, your thoughts, or even things that bother you. Just don’t bottle everything up. If you really need to, talk to your soft toy, they are probably the most fluffy and adorable loyal friends you can ever find (teehee).

3. Get a Lover.
No joke, it helps. When I mean get a lover, I don’t mean just randomly picking some guy/girl to be your partner. I really mean, finding someone you sincerely like. Go on dates, catch a movie, cherish the time spent together. You’ll enjoy the time spent with your loved ones! For those out there without a lover, fret not, friends and family are as perfect as a lover.

4. Change.
You may want to spice up yourself with different styles of clothing. Time to look like you’re ready to hit the smile button on everybody’s faces! Make their day by adding little gestures e.g. baking cookies for your loved ones, expressing your love for them, or even signing up for volunteering work. While you’re busy helping and making other people’s day, you will eventually feel happy too. Be different everyday, try something new, be it your inner or outer self. Just think of every possible feature you could add to your normal bland day.

5. Give Money a Break.

Stop worrying about your income, or how much A or B still owes you. Get away from your calculative self, and give money a break once in awhile. Being too meticulous in managing your money can just tie you up and make you very sensitive to people. Let your money flow if you have to, and trust that when money flows out, it’ll flow back in. But that doesn’t mean you should gamble it away! Be reasonable in your spending, but try not to pick on everything regarding money issues.

6. Love yourself.
Very often, I realise that many of us do not love ourselves, hence we are unable to love others first. Well this is something that I’m still learning too. To love yourself. For who you are, how you look like. You have have complaints about your face, your weight, but never hate yourself for that. Embrace it, love yourself, and improvise on the way. If you feel that you need to slim down, then take the effort to eat less and exercise, but love yourself along the way. Stay confident, because that’s what people will be attracted to upon first impression.

Follow these steps closely and you’ll find yourself happier one day~ Cheers!

Magic Words

Have you ever thought about the irony of how the two magic words, ‘Thank You’ & ‘Sorry’ can be so overrated and underrated at the same time?

As funny as it sounds, these magic words can’t help you survive in the society, yet it helps you to build your personality. A little gesture, a few sincere words, can ultimately change how people think of you. But it’s scary how people no longer meant what they say anymore. These two words become so over used that we don’t really mean it sometimes when we say it, and we take these words for granted ultimately. Think about it, you have a close friend who’s always making the same few mistakes and he/she repeatedly apologize to you every single time they piss you off. But they don’t make the effort to change because they are used to making the same mistakes, and saying ‘sorry’ makes no difference and it just shows how insincere the apology is over time.

Gradually, ‘Thank You’ & ‘Sorry’ just becomes any other words that is similar to ‘hi’ & ‘bye’. Then again, if you think about it, in this harsh society, when you make mistakes, saying ‘Sorry’ doesn’t make any difference. You have to take responsibility for your mistakes if your boss says so. So what’s the point in apologizing anymore? And that’s why I find that these magic words can be so underrated at times, since saying ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ can’t really change anything when you’re in the working society. Very often, many of us don’t appreciate things/ people anymore like the way we used to.

On the flipside, people always expect to hear these two words as they feel more appreciated and respected. Yet people gets pissed off if you ever sound insincere. See the irony? It makes me so confused as to whether there’s still any worth in the words, or if the sincerity of people when saying those words, is still important.

Just a thought. What do you think?

An Unusual Day

Yesterday was totally an unusual and interesting day for me. I’ve actually had conversations with four new people I’ve met, or at least people that I have seen but have yet to speak to them in my entire life. It’s such a refreshing change to my life even for just a day, meeting new people and chatting with them over dinner and drinks.

The first person I talked to was none other than my neighbour who just lives next to me. Since young I’ve never really talked to my neighbours much since both our families was just busy with their own stuff and nobody actually make effort to build rapport with one another. Of course we do say “hi” and do the fundamental greetings we always do but we’ve never really got to “chat”. Until yesterday where me and one of them got into the same lift. We talked about many things that’s happening in our lives and we just got to know one another more though it was just a short chat from the lift to the bus stop. Still, I was rather surprised that we hit off so well and it was quite an enjoyable time spent chatting with people whom I don’t talk to (almost) at all.

Next is my bff’s mom. Never had the chance to chat with her before but it was so motherly and cool for her to cook dinner for me I was really touched TBH. Ok I might be exaggerating but hey, I’ve never had home-cooked food for months already so you gotta understand (haha). Chatted over dinner with my bff and her mom and it’s so awesome to listen to kampong stories and getting to know how our parents’ generation lived like long time ago. Brushed through many topics that I’ve never had the chance to discuss even with my own parents, which makes me cherish every moment more. It was such an ordinary day for others yet it feels so special and significant to me.

Thereafter is my bff’s neighbour. Such bubbly, and loud aunt who is so cute at exaggeration. I have to admit that she’s really loud but haha she’s adorable. Chat over some wasabi seaweed from Japan hahaha how random yet fun. Though she exaggerates almost everything she says, it’s still nice knowing that such a cute personality figure still exists, and it just cheers me up so much. After all the scary people you meet in this society, it feels so awesome to meet such an innocent and bubbly character once in a while.

Last but not least, my bff’s buddy. Someone who studies in the same secondary school as me but we never spoke to one another before in the whole of school life. It was definitely weird and awkward at first but I was quite alright after knowing that he’s someone easy to talk to and rather mature. It’s just someone whom I’ve never imagined to talk to in my whole life, but yet such an unexpected change in a day. Feels great to just slow down in life and chat over drinks till midnight. The three of us would share our thoughts, and really just speak about our views on life, love, and friends.

I’m just glad that I strayed away from my usual lifestyle routine for a day and experienced such a day which I’m very grateful and thankful for. Sometimes in life you just have to expect the unexpected and when you meet new people, cherish the conversations and enjoy that moment cause it’s not what you’ll encounter everyday, stopping and talking to someone you’re not close to at all, discussing about great and random topics that makes your day different somehow. Be grateful and embrace what awaits you everyday, you’ll never know what great things/people will come your way :,)